I finished my story!!!!! How is it?

Wed, Feb 3, 2010

Bathroom Grab Bars

Secrets Behind Her Smile
There is memory I hesitate to share, only because I know that people, if given the chance, would deny the incident eagerly. But maybe I am wrong. Maybe they would readily admit to the charge. Maybe pass it off as a joke.
Either way, I do remember this, vividly. And so I will confess it here:
Beep… Beep…Beep… I woke up to the sound of my annoying . Today was going to be the best day of my life, it was my birthday! If I only knew what was to come. Crunch! As I smacked the snooze button, the clock went flying to the wall. It was probably broken, but I didn’t care. I hated that anyway. Dragging my feet in to the bathroom, I began to get ready for school.
I quickly went to the bathroom to get freshened up and to put on my clothes. I decided I would wear my black jeans and my rocker T-shirt with the treble notes embroidered at the edges. I quickly splashed my face with water and left before my brother made a big fuss about me taking too long.
My brother’s life was perfect as school as he was the most popular kid. The kid that everyone knew. The kid that wore the expensive out - fits and whistled at girls as they walked through the . Moron. The girls, of course didn’t mind, with his blond hair, huge muscles, and sparkling green eyes. But at home he wasn’t the same. He was constantly fighting with our parents about his grades, his inappropriate clothes, and his constant . I, on the other hand, was a goodie-two shoe or so people said. I had dull brown eyes, plain black hair, and a very slim body.
“Hi mom” I said as I walked down the stairs and quickly gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning sweetheart. Happy Birthday! Here’s your birthday cake.” She said with a pleasant voice.
“Awww thanks mom. But I’m running really late so thanks but bye” I said in a hurry.
“But you haven’t ate anything”, she said a little disappointed.
“Ill grab toast on the way. Thanks again.” I said as I shut the door behind me.
I made it just in time for the bus.
“Hey Michael”, Marty the bus driver said in his oh so-believable accent., “I heard its ya birthday. How old are ya? 9..10..11?”
“Marty” I scowled him
“Oh I’m just kiddin. Happy birthday kido.”, he finished
“Thanks Marty” I said and began to head to my seat, next to Sean.
There is one thing that you need to know about Sean. Me and Sean are best friends. I remember the exact day that we had met. It was 2000 and it was time for recess. As I began to swing up side down on the monkey bars, I saw a little chubby kid crying on the bencher. I had to go help him I thought. The little boy said that Marc and Denis(our versions of a bully) had stolen his animal crackers. I had to bring justice! After our plan to get his crackers back, we instantly became friends.
“Once a year we celebrate with stupid hats and plastic plates, the fact that you were able to make another trip around the sun. And the whole clan gathers around gifts and laughter too will bound, we let out a joyful sound and sing that stupid song. Happy Birthday, now your one year older. Happy Birthday, your life still isn’t over. Happy Birthday, you did not accomplish much.
But you didn’t die this year so I guess that’s good enough.” He sand looking very pleased.
“Umm thanks Sean.” I said a little said that my best friend found my birthday a joke.
“O, I’m just joking with you. Happy Birthday, dude.” He said
“Thanks” I answered.
The rest of the day was pretty much the same as everyday. We had to go to homeroom, and sit through Mr. Lancaster’s lectures. The rest of day went pretty quick. But everything changed when I stepped into the house.
“Were moving” was the first thing my mother announced as I put my book bag on the counter.
Moving? Moving where I thought. It couldn’t be! How could she do this, on my special day!
“Moving? Where? Why?” Thoughts filled my head.
As I sat on the sofa, my mom explained “Honey, your dad got an amazing job and the pay was too high to turn down. I hope you understand.”, she said and walked away to finish packing.
I don’t know what it was, but something was wrong. I felt very suspicious. But all I really know is that this moving meant that my friends would no longer be friends but more like distant contacts, my school would no longer be called Jefferson Middle School, and my favorite teacher’s name wouldn’t be Mr. Lancester. Eve
Im not even 13 yet.

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5 Comments For This Post

  1. Dara C Says:

    Wow.
    Wow.
    Wow.
    Just wow.

    I just choked with satisfaction.
    The main character sounds adorable.♥
    I’m jealous. I’m 13, a good writer, but wow, you have amazing creativity…

    Remember me when you’re famous. I’ll be your biggest fan.
    Very good story.

    I like how you describe your characters and how you ended it too. Very good.

    EDIT:
    I saw the latest answer, and she didn’t know if you were a guy or girl, and I would add that when your character goes into the bathroom and freshens up, say that he put on cologne, so it would be obvious, because I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t see a girl wearing cologne… Well, atleast I hope not…

  2. Kaliana Says:

    i think this is really good….but im not really sure if the main characters a boy or a girl…i thought they were a girl at first, then i thought they were a boy…plz make this more clear! hope you finish it!

  3. andrea Says:

    Nice Story,I want know what happen next, Also I want know the characters name I hope you make it into a novel!

  4. jessica d Says:

    I enjoyed it, there was a part that felt redundant "The rest of the day was pretty much the same as everyday." We had … "The rest of day"
    Revise that sentence so it doesn’t sound redundant. and maybe give a hint about the gender of the protagonist, because I thought it was a girl at first. But other than that you are a great writer. Keep up the good work. Don’t be discouraged, we all have room for improvement.
    I am a writer myself and I enjoy reading beginning writers works.

  5. Willowy Says:

    It’s a very good story! I just wish I could read the rest of it :D

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